~Happiness~

~The doctor gave me a shot of happiness but the amount of it was too much-it made my heart beat too fast,and i bled through my nose,my ears,my eyes and mouth to death.
~The doctor gave me a shot of happiness but the amount was too little-my body yearned for more and i eventually died from the lack of happiness through my veins that never reached my brain.
One's brain cannot function without happiness.
~I refused to get a shot of happiness from the doctor-i chose to make my own dose of natural happiness.And so i gave and was given..loved and in return was loved back.

You can't measure happiness..but what you can do is take what you are given and multiply it until it gets too good to be true.When that happens,stop! and enjoy the moment..

The virgin Queen

"My care is like my shadow,

laid bare beneath the sun,

it follows me at all times,

and flies when I pursue it,

I freeze and yet am always burned,

since from myself I turn,

I love and yet am forced to hate,

I seem stark mute,

inside I prate. music... then again as above"

~Virgin Queen~

The Human Nature~Natura Umana

*This post is in romanian since it was a philosophical essey i had as homework.

                                                         Ce este omul?

                                                 

          “Omul nu este decat o trestie,cea mai slaba din natura;

                                                                dar este o trestie cugetatoare”~Blaise Pascal

    

    Omul este nimicul si totul.Omul este frumosul si uratul,bunul si raul,inteligenta si prostia,viata si moartea,infinitul insusi si prin urmare,neantul.Omul este o “ingramadire de contradictii” conform spuselor lui Blaise Pascal caci se defineste prin ceea ce nu este si prea putin prin ceea ce este.Omul este o fiinta ce se metamorfozeaza in spirala timpului,o fiinta permanent ratacitoare intr-un tunel de individualitati schimbatoare,vesnic doborata de neputinta stoparii procesului evolutiv in care este absorbita.Omul traieste cu permanenta mandrie falsa a intaietatii pe pamant ,insa ceea ce il deosebeste si singularizeaza este insasi calea catre declin,caci “Toata maretia omului sta in cugetare”.

Si aceasta cugetare ce se deduce din constiinta omului este un labirint nesfarsit,fara cai inchise,ci doar o multime de serpuiri infinite,acest labirint avand un centru aflat mai departe de insasi infinitul.Astfel filozofii au luat de multe ori calea acestui labirint,analizand cu atentie fiecare unduire a acestuia,anticipand un cap de drum care insa nu avea sa vina niciodata.Miezul intelegerii omului este imposibil de atins de insasi omul.Insa nu putem sa condamnam filozofii care au ales aceasta cale a infinitei cugetari,pentru neputinta de a ajunge la miezul existentei omului intrucat acestia au reusit prin perseverenta sa strabata o portiune nesemnificativa in raport cu infinitul dar de proportii monstruoase in raport cu constiinta omului.

   

    Din cele spuse mai sus putem deduce astfel ca omul se defineste prin intermediul cugetarii,acesta este o definitie a propriei constiinte fiind singura fiinta capabila de analiza si de categorizare.Intelegem de asemenea ca omul exista ca individ in raport cu alti oameni.Societatea devine astfel de multe ori,elementul definitoriu al unui individ sau al unui non-individ.In cazul acestei teorii Aristotel si Jean-Jacques Rousseau au opinii contradictorii insa puternic argumentate,iar aceasta antiteza a ideilor celor doi este tocmai ce caracterizeaza fiinta contradictorie ce este omul.

    Aristotel este de parere ca societatea ii este prielnica omului in masura in care acesta este o fiinta sociala,insusi limba sa fiind unealta de conectare la asa-zisa panza a societatii.Prin intermediul societatii,omulului ii este facilitata evolutia si descoperirea de sine,respectiv individualizarea.Omul in afara societatii poate de asemenea fi asociat unei “bestii” intrucat acesta nu are norme de respectat,nu distinge binele de rau,conceptiile acestea fiind definite de societate si isi pierde insasi calitatea de om,aceasta fiind constiinta,intrucat singuratatea nu ii ofera posibilitatea de a-si analiza existenta.Caci existenta unuia este dependenta de existenta celorlalti,iar o “bestie” nu poate sa se individualizeze,sa se defineasca ca persoana proprie,“eu” caci “eu” se raporteaza la “tu”,”el” si ceilalti.Putem intelege astfel ca Aristotel percepe o parte a existentei omului pe deplin,aceea a crearii lui ca un tot unitar.Omul este structurat din punct de vedere psihic si anatomic asa incat sa nu poata sa existe singur,ci doar prin intermediul societatii.

    Insa Jean-Jacques Rousseau este de parere ca acesta societate este doar o capcana,ce are ca scop inlantuirea calitatilor ce il individualizeaza pe om.Omul reprezinta pentru Rousseau forma primordiala creata de Dumnezeu cu puritatea sa si schimbarile create

doar de catre timpul trecator si natura.Omului ii sunt astfel sustrase toate calitatile sale definitorii care ii ofera statutul de individ si inlocuite cu cele ale celor din jur,prin intermediul constrangerii societatii.Societatea are astfel rolul de a pastra totul in ordine si prin urmare il dezumanizeaza pe om,stirpindu-i majestuozitatea si inlocuindui-o cu banalitate,furandu-i principiile si libertatea si plasand in locul lor monotonia si cotidianul.

Societatea este pentru Rousseau doar o camera alba ,imaculata in care orice individ “colorat” este curand sters si asimilat albului orbitor.Societatea este o iluzie,o dorinta de a fi acceptati atunci cand nu ne putem accepta noi insine si o retragere intr-o multime de pareri asemanatoare,ce isi perpetueaza existenta sub ascunzisul aparentei fericiri.

    Desi inclin sa fiu de acord cu amandoi filozofii,trebuie sa adaug ca in opinia mea,teoria lui Rousseau se bazeaza pe cea a lui Aristotel.Rousseau este de parere ca omului ii sunt stirbite principiile “sigure si neschimbate” de catre societate.Dar omul fara societate nu ar avea principii.Omul fara societate ar decadea din treapta cea mai inalta a evolutiei spre treptele de jos ale fiintelor lipsite de calitatile umane.Fara alti semeni in jurul sau,omul si-ar pierde insasi caractersiticile ce il fac om precum limba,constiinta si individualitatea.

    De aceea tind sa ma inclin mai mult catre afirmatiile facute de catre Aristotel care a realizat ca omul este o fiinta colectiva care nu poate exista in afara unei “societati” create chiar de el,in scopul existentei si evolutiei sale continue.

    Conclud astfel prin a spune ca omul este o fiinta plina de mister.Daca va fi sau nu va fi vreodata descoperit acest mister din spatele existentei umane,care va duce chiar la destramarea acestei,nu pot sa afirm cu certitudine.Specia umana este o creatie a lui Dumnezeu cu adevarata unica si in acelasi timp diferita.Oamenii sunt un amestec de antiteze,prin asemanarile si diferentele dintre ei care au rolul de ai apropia si departa.Evolutia umana nu inseamna neaparat atingerea unei alte cote a existentei si perpetua nastere a individualitatilor.Aceasta este analiza mea asupra omului,pe baza teoriilor sustinute de atatia filozofi si de asemenea pe baza propriilor perceptii asupra lumii si naturii umane,cunostinta fiindu-mi limitata de insasi constiinta mea,si de statutul meu de om.

L.O.V.E...or is it?

What is this love they all talk about?

And i don't mean true love..if it really does exist(i could start a debate with my recent best friend Catullus but i decided not to) but this teenage love thing?
It's not love and it cannot be..maybe there are rare occasions when it really does exist but those occasions are not so common and can only be found in the most mature couples.

Mistake number 1:People mistake a simple attraction for a crush and hook up..
From there on everything can only go worse..why?Because the couple doesn't a solid base,and when the initial attraction fades away all that is left standing next to you is a complete stranger..These people usually drift apart and end up not being friends because there wasn't anything there to begin with.

Mistake number 2:People mistake a crush for love..
A crush is something beautiful for teenagers mostly since it has that innocent feeling to it.But rarely if ever does a crush establish itself on tangible facts.No no no..a crush starts with the looks of the other person...one looks good so he attracts your attention..then you start looking at one more and seeing what he does and how he acts..and usually you only register the positive vibe from that person.Thus,a crush is misleading ..
It often leads to break-ups or to heartbroken teenagers but hey,this they get over pretty quickly..

Mistake number 3(the most important):People mistake a combination of attraction and a crush for love
Why is it the most dangerous..Because many marriages were formed on these mixed feelings..Everything starts out fine..the couple is "in love" and nothing could come in between them.He seems to develop new traits though..something you have mixed feelings about and you start maybe getting into a fight or something but it all passes because you both choose to "forget" it and "consume" your love.
And then BANG the big question comes and the wedding bells can already be heard...
So everything is kinda fine..you notice your "fiance" is acting a little weird or doing stuff that you didn't know he/she was doing.But it doesn't matter now does it?You'll be married in x months..
And then you start getting into fights that degenerate into really big messes but that again,doesn't matter..Because it's the tension from the approaching wedding..

And you get married and you're so happy and nothing could be better..
2 months later..
It's great..we are happily married and i love my husband/wife!
6 months later..
Well it's not like it used to be but what do you expect,we're married now so it's supposed to be different..
1 year later
He/She pisses me off most of the time..he/she isn't the person i used to love!
1 year and 6 months later
Oh we are pregnant..===>From here on..there are many directions a couple can take:They either stay married and raise their child together,raise their child for a few years then divorce but remain friends with shared custody..Divorce violently and fight over custody..Or the worst case scenario:One parent leaves!

So this is my little "lesson in love" for all you folks out there..

xoxo

P.S:I do actually believe in true love..But I'm to young to have found it^^

How much?

How much can one indeed suffer?
If people look at me right now they see this bubbly girl,ready to make a joke and always smiling(even when i'm drawing which makes me look creepy-so says my friend) but i'm not always like that..Nobody is.

When i'm sometime going somewhere and i travel a long way on foot i like to observe people.And by observing them i first off see how they are dressed up..I don't really make assumptions based on that,and i can't really say i'm such a good "people reader" that i can deduct certain traits by watching people or so on..But i like watching..observing life pass by me and imagining different things about the people that pass by me.

Where are they going?Who are they talking to on the phone?Do they have a boy/girlfriend or a /husband wife?Do they have children?Are they foreign?..and the list goes on and on and the same question("the question of the day" as i like to call it) applies to every passerby.
Sometimes this becomes an obsession to such an extent that i fail to realize i passed my block or school or wherever the place i was going to.

But sometimes these questions about random people passing by go even deeper than that,and i end up wondering what their current feelings are or even past and future feelings.
I would like to go to and old person someday and ask him:"Could you tell me the story of your life?Where were you born and raised up?How were your teenage days and when did you get married?Did you have children and how many?" And most of all.."Are you happy with your past and current life,and content with what is to come?" Yes,i would love to hear the stories of so many passerby's..Sometimes i listen to fragments of their life spoken to one of their friends or on the phone and wish to hear more even as the pass by me and i know i won't ever see them again.Because curiosity lies in every one of us and it sometimes bursts suddently,waiting to be fed...

But i think i lost the sight of what i really wanted to say..Let's refocus shall we?

Have you ever wondered how much a person has suffered their whole life?

I have,and realized life hasn't been really easy on my young shoulders.
I feel like many of my surrounding friends just breezed through life until this moment.I'm not saying they didn't face hardship but that it was in low amounts and somehow easy to overcome.

And i don't know why i see myself as not being one of these people.
I have suffered in my little 18 years of life and the suffering has picked and continues picking at my soul little by little.It is overcome so many times by joyful moments that seem to fill my whole being and thrill me so..
But i have suffered..and the knowledge and lingering feelings won't go away so easily.

I have suffered for others enjoyed it.I have suffered for others amusement and i have suffered for fate made it so.I didn't realise at the moment  that i could have predicted all that suffering by being brave and standing up to my "monsters" i told myself..so i started being brave..i started saying what i really meant to say to everyone around me and it went well for a while,i overwhelmed my "monsters" and they became nothing but shadows in the past..
But as there can be no good without evil,my life also couldn't be all clouds,rainbows and butterflies now could it?Because other meaner "monsters" came to take the place of those that i had faced.
And these where trickier..meaner and uglier.I tried using my newly gained weapons against them but that only weakened them for a little..Soon enough they were on better and prepared for new battles where my weapons where nothing but old memories..I still fight them everyday but i'm learning that if you ignore the "monsters" a big wall of glass installs itself between you and them.
 I can still hear them and see them..so you might say it's not so effective but it gives me a sense of protection that my weapons never did.I fear when a little crack appears in the window and i all but watch it for a little time wondering how it got there..But then i resolve to fixing it and continuing my life..

So that is my story for the moment..Stay tuned to see if the window will crack and if in case it will,will i be able to protect myself,or find myself being "killed" by my own monsters?

Dear Diary?Maybe not..

Am ajuns la o concluzie uimitoare!Nu imi place sa scriu in romana..
De ce?Hmm..pentru ca engleza imi este mult mai accesibila..Si de aceea,m-am decis sa scriu exclusiv in engleza(dupa postul acesta desigur).
Inca nu m-am decis daca sa imi impartasesc blog-ul cu anume cunoscuti pentru ca nu stiu ce voi vrea sa scriu pe viitor..Asa ca o sa ma limitez la a scrie..si nimic mai mult.
Deci,acesta este oficial ultimul blog(blog sa ii spun?) scris de mine in romana...

xoxo

Asa incepe totul..

Ma gandeam sa tin un "diary" acum cateva zile..Cand eram cu totii mici ni se pareau cele mai interesante carti..Ele,si oracolele pe care le pasam in timpul orei in generala si ne rusinam cand eram prinsi si profesorul se decidea sa ii citeasca in fata clasei pe toti nenorocitii ce au scris in el pana in acel moment..Dar,incep sa ma abat de la subiect.Deci,cum am mai spus,ma gandeam sa tin un jurnal.Dar in acelasi timp,sunt sigura ca daca as fi inceput inca o agenda,iarasi as fi lasat-o cu doar datele personale completate si o pagina de "Dear Diary" in care imi povestesc ziua plicticoasa pentru ca apoi sa uit complet de existenta acesteia...
Am vazut ca de ceva timp umbla un trend pe aici,ca cik e "misto" sa ai un blog.
Initial mi-am spus.."Ce poate fi asa de greu sa ai un blog?"..dar apoi cand m-am gandit mai bine am inceput sa am indoieli "Ce sa scriu eu intr-un blog" si "Cine sa-mi citeasca mie blogul?".
Si asa mi-a venit ideea sa imi transform (la data aceea ,inexistentul meu blog) intr-un jurnal "personal".
Pana la urma..cate persoane pot sa-mi citesca balivernele regulat?Si cum ar putea sa afle in primul rand unde imi scriu eu balivernele,daca nu le zic?
Deci..acesta este inceputul,putin anost recunosc,al blogului meu.
Ramane de vazut insa..daca va ramane la stagiul experimental de "diary"...daca il voi impartasi cuiva...sau daca pur si simplu va fi uitat,asemenea suratelor sale putin mai traditionale.

xoxo